M-T peddling 'flag-nography'??? - The Chaff with Scott Stephenson

People who want to get unnecessarily worked up about something, you’ve come to the right place! It is with a mixture of feigned indignation, simulated anger and scandalized shock that we must address a matter of utmost importance: the entirely obscene flag of beloved local municipality Morris-Turnberry. What was once thought to be a simple, innocuous representation of the township’s initials has taken on a rather... ahem... suggestive appearance.

 

Upon closer inspection (which, for the record, was undertaken with great reluctance and averted eyes), it has come to our attention that the combination of the letters “M” and “T” on the flag has inadvertently created a rather risqué visual. Yes, dear readers, if one were so inclined and possessed a certain creative imagination (which we assure you, we lack entirely), one might interpret the “T” as engaging in an act of, shall we say, intimate proximity with the “M.”

 

Now, we must emphasize that this interpretation is purely the product of overactive imaginations and not at all a reflection of the wholesome values for which Morris-Turnberry stands. It is a community of hardworking farmers, not purveyors of scandalous symbolism or peddlers of flag-based filth! While there is very well-documented and irrefutable truth to the old saying, “There’s a pervert on every street,” we are confident that the streets of Morris-Turnberry do not exceed the national average. Even if they do, it couldn’t possibly be by that much. Probably well-within the perverted margin of error.

 

Naturally, this pornography-adjacent flag has led to whispers and giggles within certain circles. Some suggest a redesign, perhaps with a more straightforward depiction of the initials engaging in abstinence, devoid of any unintended innuendo. Others argue that the uniqueness of the flag should be embraced, viewing it as a quirky conversation starter for tourists (though we do caution against explaining said conversation starter to young children only just beginning to learn the alphabet).

 

One might suggest that if the letters “M” and “T” are engaging in such intimate activities, they should at least be depicted with the proper protection - a lesson in responsibility for all letter-based liaisons.

 

While undeniably graphic in its portrayal of alphabetic intimacy, the design does have positive attributes that are worth celebrating. One could argue that this flag is a beacon of inclusivity and progressivism. After all, who’s to say that “M” and “T” can’t represent any combination of genders? You can’t spell “they/them” without “T” and “M”. 

 

Others contend the decision to limit the flag’s representation of numerals to just four digits segregated at the bottom to be troubling. “This is a flagrant attempt to minimize the visibility of alphanumeric relationships,” said 2 of LGBTQ2S+.

 

As we scrutinize every element of the flag with an eagle eye akin to a mysterious figure lurking in the bushes with binoculars, we cannot overlook the delicate leaf that hovers above the “T”. Some may argue that its positioning, delicately perched as if caught in a gentle breeze, evokes a sense of natural harmony and rural tranquility. However, others, with a more mischievous imagination, might draw a comparison to a certain organic adornment often associated with intimate regions. The leaf, much like the verdant foliage adorning our countryside, adds a touch of beauty to the flag’s composition. Its presence speaks of growth, renewal and the interconnectedness of nature and community. Yet one could whimsically suggest that the leaf’s placement above the “T” subtly alludes to themes of fertility and vitality. It is a gentle nod to the cycle of life that sustains us all. It flutters with secrets reminiscent of Adam and Eve covering their loins in the Garden of Eden, hiding a world of tantalizing mysteries beneath a leafy veil that beckons the curious to decipher its coded language of symbolism and subtle suggestion.

 

The Chaff has made no effort to reach Morris-Turnberry Mayor Jamie Heffer, Deputy-Mayor Kevin Freiburger, any members of council, senior staff, junior staff,  part-time staff, casual staff, former staff, or even aspiring, wannabe staff for comment, but the silence speaks volumes. Why has this important and very serious topic been left off the agenda of council meetings for so long? Is it because there is more urgent business that requires actual attention and thoughtful deliberation? Is that what democracy is all about? We all know that flags are the most dangerous form of propaganda known to humankind and flagkind and it is imperative that we stand, at full mast, flapping against any flags that we flag as unflagsmanlike.

 

To have your say, Morris-Turnberry can be reached by fax at 519-887-6424.